(Bruce Bennett - Getty Images)
In the June issue of Vanity Fair, Graham Boynton surveys the gleaming marble and glass of Terminal 3 at the Dubai International Airport, the largest air terminal in the world and the exclusive home of Emirates airline. It is, in a sense, the opposite of La Guardia Airport.
Dubai’s airport is the busiest international airport on the globe, and at 75 million passengers a year, it is inching toward passing even larger domestic hubs like Atlanta and Beijing. While reading about its many splendors—direct, terminal-to-cabin boarding for the Airbus A380, which offers onboard showers and bars—it was hard not to think about one of New York’s local airports.
Though it’s a domestic airport, more than 25 million yearly passengers suffer through La Guardia Airport’s many inadequacies. It’s perhaps unfair to compare New York’s La Guardia, which was constructed at a cost of $40 million, to Dubai’s airport (the Emirates terminal alone cost $4.5 billion to construct—the total amount invested in the entire La Guardia Airport to date is a paltry $1.4 billion). But it is certainly fun to do so.
With Joe Biden—“If I took you and blindfolded you and took you to La Guardia Airport in New York, you’d think, ‘I must be in some third-world country’”—as our inspiration, let us journey through the dark world of online reviews for L.G.A. Please note that we have not corrected any spelling or grammatical mistakes in the following reviews, all found on Yelp and travel Web site sleepinginairports.net.
“If I could give this shithole a zero star review, I would. It’s only redeeming feature is that it's super close to the city. Other than that, it's an absolute nightmare piece of shit you should avoid at all costs. Why? . . . Roaches - EVERYWHERE. You often see them crawling around behind chairs and in the rest rooms. . . .Getting a cab is like waiting to watch a turtle cross the Great Plains. It takes for fucking ever . . . I can’t begin to tell you how much I truly fucking hate this airport. If it got swallowed up by the east river one day, like it nearly did in 2013 when it flooded (for a WEEK!) I would be so happy.” – James, Minnesota
“WORST AIRPORT EVER!!! This place is so old and disgusting, I couldn’t wait to get back to TEXAS!” – Elizabeth, Texas.
“Late
And
Generally
Unsatisfactory
Always
Retarded
Difficult
International
Airport” – Michael, New York.
“It is bad enough that is place is a hellhole and I rather be anywhere on earth besides this place, but I was suprised to see mice running around in the terminal while I was waiting at my gate. God forbid you bring a water bottle through security, but the mice have no problem hanging out with you at the gate. When did they build this airport? It is so dingy and rank, beyond words with disgust.” – Sarah, no location given
“Is this really America?? This grubby run down airport with unfriendly prickly staff was not a pleasant experience. It felt like everyone here was unhappy to help you and that you are a pain for existing.” – JulesandHeath, no location given
“Possibly one of the worst experiences of my life. USAir channeled a lot of their planes to Philly for the Republican National Convention and then cancelled flights from Georgia to Pennsylvania because of a run of the mill thunderstorm (yeah, right). But anyway we had to sleep in La Guardia’s baggage claim till 8am. The loud PA announcements lasted all night long and kept us frazzled. LaGuardia has no baggage lockers, so we couldn'’ lock up our bags, and thus felt that every footstep passing was some wacko willing to kill us for our dirty clothes.” – Tim, no location given
Not everyone who was anoyed was worried about the lacking amenities:
“I am wondering why there are signs in a publicly funded airport that say ‘God Bless Our Troops’? Not everyone -including some of the troops -believes in God. A public airport is no forum for religious commentary.” – Dawn, Florida
The worst part? JFK and Newark are hardly any better.
(Kia Makarechi - Vanity Fair)
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